I don't know if it was real or in a dream lately waking up
i'm not sure where i've been there was a table set for six
and five were there i stood outside and kept my eyes upon
that empty chair and there was steam on the windows from
the kitchen laughter like a language i once spoke with
ease but i'm made mute by the virtue of decision i choose
most of your life goes on without me oh the fear i've known
that i might reap the praise of strangers and end up on my
own all i've sown was a song but maybe i was wrong i said
to you the one gift which i'd adore unwrap a package of
the next 10 years unfolding but you told me if i had my
way i'd be bored right then i knew i loved you best born
of your scolding when we last talked we were lying on our
backs looking up at the sky through the ceiling i used to
lie like that alone out on the driveway trying to read the
greek upon the stars the alphabet of feeling oh i knew
back then it was a calling that said if joy then pain the
sound of the voice these years later is still the same
i am alone in a hotel room tonight i squeeze the sky
out but there's not a star appears begin my studies
with this paper and this pencil and i'm working through
the grammar of my fears mercy what i won't give to have
the things that mean the most not to mean the things
i miss unforgiving the choice still is the language or the kiss
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